What did I prepare, you ask? Well, I will tell you (as if there were some sort of danger of my withholding information, lol.). I made Blue Flannel Hash, served with Mushroom Blintzes, smothered in Mushroom Gravy! Every last one of these recipes, incidentally, can be found in the fabulous, brilliant, and dare I say bible-esque, Veganomicon.
If you haven't got a Veganomicon, then perhaps you are lost in the desert? Surrounded by wolves? At a republican fundraiser? Anyway, get one.
So, first things first, get your head together, because there are several steps and sub-recipes involved here, and I am going to try to present this information in with clarity, humor, and logic. This might lead to a breakdown in weaker people, but in the words of Tine Fey, I would like to thank my parents for "somehow raising me to have confidence that is disproportionate with my looks and abilities. Well done. That is what all parents should do.”
I hope you brought a pencil and paper, here goes nothin'
Blue Flannel Hash:
1 1/2 lbs blue potatoes, skinned and 1/2" diced
1 medium onion, diced
8 oz tempeh, 1/2" diced
1/2 tsp red pepper flakes
2 tsp olive oil
2 tbsp soy sauce
Salt'n'Pepa to taste (as if that wasn't given)
Heat oil in a pan. Confirm readiness with sizzle test, ie spritz a drop of water in it. If it sizzles, you're good to go. Cook the onions until they are soft and transparent, the book suggests 15 minutes. It might not take that long. Add potatoes, tempeh, and red pepper flakes, cover, and continue to cook for what could quite possibly be another ten minutes. Add the soy sauce, cook for a few more minutes. Then you're done. Whilst you do all this, you'll have a few moments to start getting setup for your Blintzes. I put this in a serving dish, covered it with tin foil, and it was still nice and toasty when I'd finished up with the rest of my cooking.
The Blintzes have two components, crépes and filling.
Crépes:
1 1/2 cups soy or rice milk (I used coconut milk, nothing exploded.)
1/4 cup water
3/4 cup all purpose flour
1/4 cup chickpea flour
1 tablespoon arrowroot powder
1/2 tsp salt
Into the Cuisinart or Vitamix, and blend until lump-less. In rural Texas, there are a small, imprecisely evil, obsessive compulsive population of magical creatures own as Clomes (think clown-gnome.) whose general preoccupations in life involve lurking in closets, but also organizing them while they're in there. A mixed blessing to be sure. What most clomologists don't know, is that they are also quite adept at checking batter mixtures for lumps. So if you've ever wondered about the label on canned gravy that reads "CLA Approved" you now know it stands for Clome Lump Assocation.
There is also a Spanish Clome, generally native to the southern regions of Spain, however, they are not as skilled in the pronouncement of the absence of batter lumps. Most experts presume this has to do with the large amount of Jamon Serrano in their diet.
Anyway, next time you're scratching your head wondering who arranged your ties so neatly by color and pattern, it was probably a Clome.
If you don't live in rural Texas, just be sure the batter is really well mixed. You'll know when it is.
I'd always presumed the making of crépes to be trickier than it actually is. Heat up a small pan or skillet, get it nice and sizzle-test-hot, give it a little non-stick spray and you're ready. If you have a non-stick pan, even better.
Pour some batter onto the skillet, then slowly tilt the pan to allow the batter to spread out into a nice even circle. Eventually you'll get the hang of both how much batter to use, and getting it to spread evenly. I've seen crépes made in small pans where the chef encourages the batter all the way up the sides of the pan, but I tried this and found it infuriating. Instead I switched to a larger, flat skillet, and just let the crepe extend to a nice round circle without covering the entire surface area of the pan. When the edges are brown and the top is bubbly, it's time to flip your crépe. The top will not be thoroughly browned, but should no longer look wet. 20-30 seconds on the flip side should do it, maybe less depending on the temperature of your skillet. Respect your crépes, and don't let them burn.
If you're questioning your crépe making skills, make a double batch of batter so you can have plenty of practice tries. The Clome, if you have one around, will be appreciative of these dress-rehearsal-crépes as a snack and a thank you. If not, they'll make a nice munchy for you while you continue preparing your fantastic brunch!
To be continued.....
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Location:Madison, CT
FYI, there are some clomes in Southern Spain that do not eat jamón serrano! They do not, however, understand that chicken,lamb, and otrich are not vegetables!
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